


symphony of blood and tears

by Ghost Guardian (AsexualAce)



Category: Aphmau's Minecraft Diaries, Minecraft (Video Game), Minecraft diaries - Fandom, aphmau - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Imprisonment, Laurmau - Freeform, MCD S1, Minecraft Diaries - Aphmau, Minecraft Diaries Season 1, POV Second Person, Pain, The Nether, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 07:56:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21194270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsexualAce/pseuds/Ghost%20Guardian
Summary: “Sasha?” You gasp, breaths rattling as your face burns on the stove hot floor. “Sasha, please, please let me go. I thought- I thought you were dead. I didn’t believe it when I saw you in Phoenix Drop.”“Oh, Laurence.” She simpers, and a somehow icy hand comes to rest on the back of your neck. “I already died because you chose to leave me behind. I’ve just been revived. Now… what do we do with you… now that you’ve sacrificed yourself for your precious friends?”There’s a sickening feeling in your stomach as you realize she’s angry. Angry and upset because you stayed behind for someone else, and not her.(alternatively, here's the days that could have been after Laurence sacrificed himself for Aphmau and Castor.)





	symphony of blood and tears

**Author's Note:**

> first and foremost i hate that laurence's name in canon is spelled laurance so i just. changed it. sorry not sorry?
> 
> also, some content warnings. there's mentions of blood and violence and at one point laurence is threatened by a knife? laurence is also tortured and put through immense pain. theres also one whole 'fuck' 
> 
> hope u enjoy this story i wrote in like two days only???

“YOU, CASTOR AND CADENZA NEED TO GO _ NOW! _I’LL HOLD THEM BACK!” You scream, and Aphmau screams something along the lines of “LAURENCE! NO!”, but the words clutter together in your adrenaline filled brain as you clash again with the spectre in front of you. The brimstone darkness has a voice like grating nails as it pushes and you push your glinting emerald sword back.

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME! YOU TWO NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE! NOW! _ GO! _” The desperation in your voice must convince her somehow, because Aphmau grabs Castor’s hand and they all leave, bolting down the tower’s nether brick stairs. Aphmau is crying and Castor is very befuddled, but they leave. And that’s all that matters. 

Ghasts are screaming outside and fire is crackling around you and the Shadow Lord, and it’s all you can do not to crumble. You dart around the Shadow Lord, shield raised, sidesword at the ready. 

“Come and get me!” You snarl, hands and teeth clenching in face of the midnight emptiness screaming death at you. 

The fight continues and you do too, but all good luck must end and you are knocked to the ground from behind. Shadow Knights swarm the room as you fall. The air is knocked out of your lungs and you gasp for whatever air your body can have, no matter how sulfur filled and toxic it is. Someone puts your arms behind your back and restrains them, and you struggle for freedom. It doesn’t work.

“Well, well, well.” A voice purrs behind and above you. It may be boiling in this hellish dimension but it still feels like ice water has been poured down your back. You attempt to turn your head but your hair is covering your eyes, a waterfall of fire.

“Sasha?” You gasp, breaths rattling as your face burns on the stove hot floor. “Sasha, please, please let me go. I thought- I thought you were dead. I didn’t believe it when I saw you in Phoenix Drop.” 

“Oh, Laurence.” She simpers, and a somehow icy hand comes to rest on the back of your neck. “I already died because you chose to leave me behind. I’ve just been _ revived _. Now… what do we do with you… now that you’ve sacrificed yourself for your precious friends?”

There’s a sickening feeling in your stomach as you realize she’s angry. Angry and upset because you stayed behind for someone else, and not her. She may have sacrificed herself for you, but something in her face says desperately, ‘you should have been at my side.’

She pulls you up harshly and you grunt as her nails push into your skin. You see her at last, and she is like a pale shadow of the woman you once knew and cared about.

Her eyes used to be royal velvet, soft and kind and compromising. Now they are flint and amethyst, sharp and hard and unyielding to anything. Her skin is paler than before. While it used to be like ivory, now it is like icy snow.

The biggest difference is her expression. It’s like there’s a simmering pool of _ resentment _seething just barely beneath the skin pulled taut over her skull. 

The Shadow Lord looks faded, now, but still just as ominous and looming as before. 

“_ Take him to the cells. _” It rattles. The Shadow Knights salute and two of them grab you by the arms and drag you away. You thrash and scream in fury, legs kicking. The hallways stretch out and Sasha mockingly flutters her fingers in a goodbye as she stands next to a legion of soldiers, waiting.

The cell you are thrown into after your items are taken away is hot and suffocating, and you can barely see the glowstone light and lava from the thin, slitted windows carved into the walls. The floors are caked with blood and dried fluids and the stench of death and suffering makes you want to vomit. 

You wheeze and cough as the rusting iron door is shut behind you, the _ clang _ringing in your ears. Sitting up and shaking your aching head does little to help. 

The grimness of the situation is starting to set in, but you refuse to cry. She made it out. She had to. You bought her time, and she could defend herself. Beautiful, powerful, incredible Aphmau. 

That doesn’t mean your situation is any less hopeless. 

‘No matter what,’ you think, ‘It was worth it for Aphmau. It was worth it for my love.’ 

‘It was worth it.’ You think to yourself as your body is cut and sliced and mutilated, bled open and raw by Shadow Knights, your own voice echoing off the walls as you scream higher and higher and _ higher- _

‘It was worth it.’ You think as you are slapped and kicked and crushed by men and women with ungodly strength, your bones crunching in your ears, bruises covering your body.

‘It was worth it.’ You think as your mind is ripped into and flayed apart methodically by knights with the ability to break minds apart, the agonizing pain like sledgehammers splitting your skull open over and over and over. 

‘It was worth it.’ You think to yourself blearily as you sob for mercy, bleeding and broken and clutching at the ground, pain rampaging through your body, tears and blood spilling onto the ground.

Finally, finally, after weeks of every kind of torture imaginable, your cell door is creaked open. You glance upwards warily, shrinking back into the wall, eyes flicking from Sasha to the Knights next to her. She seems pleased at how much the Knights have done to you- her eyes quickly roam your body, stopping for longer on the bigger bloody cuts and the ugly bruises mottling your whole body. 

Everything about Sasha is wrong in this place. She is lithe and graceful where the other troops are solid and blunt, and her words hurt more than her strikes.

“Oh, don’t be scared, Laurence.” Sasha croons, flipping her moonbeam hair over her shoulder. “We’ve decided to stop this needless violence.”

You almost relax before she smirks and says, “We’ve decided to turn you into one of us!”

Your heart drops into your stomach.

“No. No, no, no. Sasha, I’m begging you. I don’t want to turn into a Shadow Knight. I know what you people do. You’re monsters.” You snarl, hair dripping into your eyes like the lava falling outside your window. 

“You don’t have a choice.” She snaps. You recoil at the sound of her voice, and she sighs and puts a hand over her face. Her flinty amethyst eyes stare at you and you can’t help but think she looks disappointed. 

“Look. I may still remember you and how we were friends and all, but I can’t go against our lord.”

“Why do you even follow him?! He makes people suffer and he turns people into things like you!”

Sasha’s eyes harden and that’s the last thing you see before you are slapped in the face. You are knocked to the ground and you scream as all your injuries suddenly feel agony again. You writhe and sob, but Sasha merely looms over you. 

“Do not speak that way of the lord.” She says icily. “Now _ get up _.”

You shakily stand on bloodied and scarred legs, and the guards grab you. You instinctively flinch. One of the Knights snickers beneath her breath. 

The hallways are as winding and horrible as ever. Red on maroon with netherwart fungus growing out of the bricks. Knights storm by line by line in other hallways and you hear combat training outside. The monotony is everywhere.

Sasha slams open a door at the end of the hall. It cracks against the brick. You are shoved inside and tied to a chair, and bile rises in your throat, and nothing you do can stop it. Being tied to chairs like this only reminds you of screaming and knives and fire, and you struggle against the chains. 

“Calm down, Laurence.” Sasha sighs. “We’re just cleaning you up for the ritual.”

You scowl at her, trying to project all the rage and suffering you've been through into it.

She sighs and grabs a potion bottle from the table nearby. You flinch and try and turn away, but she merely pours it over your head and you feel the weeks of grime and blood wash away. She dunks another one over you and the grisly scars littering your body fade to near nothing.

“Healing potion and a cleaning potion. Does nothing for your ratty mess of hair, though.” 

She grabs a bone carved comb from the table along with a hairbrush and sets to work. You hiss as she roughly tugs the brush through, yanking at the clumps and knots. 

“You know I’m sorry, right?”

“That doesn’t change anything now.”

“You sacrificed yourself for all of us… and I didn’t stay by your side. I know you’re hurt and angry, and I understand.”

Sasha yanks the brush harder and you yelp. She pulls out a dagger (where did that come from?) and puts it against your neck.

“_ You abandoned me. _” Sasha hisses, eyes sharp like the blade that’s drawing blood.

You know better than to argue. You shut your mouth and turn your head downwards.The knife retreats.

She finishes brushing your hair in silence, and braids it in silence too. It’s a large braid with two little ones acting as a ‘crown’, you register dimly. 

“Perfect.” She says quietly, and then she motions to the guards behind you. One of them makes a fist and slams it into the back of your head, and you are knocked out.

-

You wake up, lying on an altar. You can’t move your limbs or your face, but you can move your eyes.

The netherrack ceiling stretches for ages, bone spine trees growing upside down.

There is a grand procession of the Shadow Knights, all standing in rows upon rows of black and red. Their helmets are omens of death, and you’re afraid.

The lord looms above you, eyes glinting in the firelight. 

“_ Ahhh… yes… a strong will… perfect to become part of my legion. Now…” _

Its shadowy hand grips your forehead, and even though you can’t move most of your body, a scream wrenches past your lips. _ PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS- _

Past the pain, you can hear the Knights all chanting and singing in some kind of sick harmony, and Sasha quickly (and effortlessly) paints some runes onto your body. It drips in rivulets down your body. 

She pulls open your shirt and paints one last rune onto your chest, which looks like a malformed heart. It starts glowing with sickening light and your screams reach new pitches. The searing pain rampages like wildfire through every rune, and tears begin to fall. 

The lord drags one finger down the heart rune and your body arches involuntarily.

_ IT HURTS! _

Part of you is begging for Aphmau to come save you, for her to sweep in and take you in her arms. She would hold you tight, you think, and whisper that everything will be alright.

But she’s not here. 

She’s not coming back.

And the lord sweeps a blackened hand towards you and you pass out from the pain and internal agony, still screaming.

-

The next few weeks pass by in a blur. 

You are clad in their armour, and part of you feels sick to your stomach, but the Shadow Knight part of you preens.

You stand on a terrace overlooking a legion, and Sasha puts her icy hand on your shoulder plate and croons about how soon you’ll forget everything, and how your transformation will be finally complete.

“I don’t want to forget. I want to go see her.” You murmur, hands clenching at the netherbrick fences preventing you from jumping off into the lava sea.

“Even if you do, you’ll hurt her.” She smiles, pearly whites like daggers in the glowing light.

You feel tears brimming your eyes, and Sasha moves away and leaves. You can feel her smirk.

Time keeps passing. You go to the overworld, at some point, but your memory is faded and foggy. You see her- your love!- but it’s not a happy reunion.

It is screaming, it is pain, it is heartbreak, and Aphmau rushes to save her son before you do anything. Her eyes are amber fire, and something in her fierce expression says ‘My life before my son’s.’ 

The storm of emotions you feel quells your thirst for violence, and you turn and walk back into the shadows of the trees, leaving behind a trail of sorrow. 

Every day in the overworld is weeks in the Nether, and you spend weeks murmuring prayers to Irene under your breath and training endlessly with newly turned troops with no memories left in their mutilated souls. 

Vylad is the only good person to talk to in the entire fortress. Not because he’s a joy to be around, but it’s a breath of fresh air to be around someone willing to help you. 

Both of you mutter plans to each other discreetly, whispered words slipping through netherwart infested bars. Sasha and Gene’s stares are heavy on the back of your head, but you choose to ignore them for the sake of your own sanity. 

Every day is suffering, tangible in the sulfur air and the magma dripping through the walls. You feel it changing you. There is lava in your veins, acid in your eyes, and obsidian in your bones. 

Your heart is the one thing unchanged. It still pulses with life, still pulses with love. It is the opposite, the antithesis, the paradox to this dimension. Your heart still yearns for Aphmau again, still craves the sunshine in her soul and the starlight in her eyes. 

Weeks pass by with no fanfare. But every day, you pray and pray and pray for someone to get you out of the Nether. You pray for safety, for comfort, for freedom. You pray for Aphmau to sweep in with all her godly grace contained in a tiny body.

And every time you pray, you wait hopefully. Nothing ever happens. Every time it passes, your blackened Shadow Knight heart twists more, and you start to lose faith. But as you patrol the fortress one day, you hear an almighty roar from above. You look up, sword at the ready, but-

“UNGRTH?” You cry out. You nearly drop your weapon at the sight of your closest companion. The wyvern looks terrible, black emptiness creeping up his legs and his wings look tattered, but he’s here. That’s all you could ever ask for.

He roars and sweeps you up in his talons, and you scream as you leave the ground. The talons grip you tightly, ensuring you won’t fall. You cling to them. You both soar between bone trees and stalactite glowstone. You hear ghasts screaming too, bloody murder behind you as you flee. 

Wither skeletons rattle underneath the netherrack fortress and some Knights have brought out bows. Ungrth, despite how corrupted he looks, flies bravely and dodges all of it.

“Mother FUCKER!” You snarl. “Those damn ghasts- they’re going to start firing soon. Ungrth, we have to escape!” You use your sword to swat away a fireball. 

Ungrth makes a trill in response, and he soars ever higher, wing tips brushing the jagged ceiling. The soulsand screams below.

You brace yourself as Ungrth sails up higher and you both _ push push push _against the dimensional barrier. It is pure pain, somehow worse than the torture you endured, and you feel coppery red tears leaking out of your eyes as you force your body through. You finally force your way through.

The barrier encapsulates you, and it is pure red all around you as far as the eye can see- the magic thrums like a heartbeat in your soul. It’s terrifying. The barrier sees all souls and sees all sins and you are open and bare before the leap between worlds. 

Ungrth roars louder than he ever has and the red shatters into nothingness. And there’s _ PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN- _

Your eyes squeeze shut, and you gasp for air, and you know no more.

-

It is soft. Quiet. Calm. The air is fresh and full of sweet oxygen. There is no sulfur, no screaming, and no suffering. Your hands clutch at the softness beneath you. There are bedsheets and a downy cover beneath that, and you relax immediately.

You open your eyes. 

There is dread seeping into your spine as you realize that you can’t see out of them anymore. 

You attempt to speak, but nothing comes out. Your throat is parched. The only sound that comes out is a strangled whine.

“Shh, shh, Laurence. It’s okay. You’re safe now.” Someone murmurs. They push a glass to your lips, and you greedily chug the water contained inside.

“Who…?”

“It’s Zoey. You’re in Lady Aphmau’s basement.”

You jolt and attempt to sit up, but Zoey gently and firmly pushes you back down onto the bed.

“Aphmau’s alive? She made it out?”

“Yes. She’s alive and well, and she’s waiting for you.”

“Thank Irene.” You murmur softly, putting a hand over your eyes. “I… I was so sure she didn’t make it out of the Nether in time.” 

Zoey shifts and grabs something from nearby. There’s the clinking of glass and a cork popping, so you assume it’s a potion. Sure enough, there’s the cool yet boiling sensation of a potion going down your throat. 

“Just in case of malnutrition and Nether diseases,” she explains. “Is there any other injuries I should treat before getting Lady Aphmau?”

“Uh… I can’t see.”

There is a sharp inhale to your left, and Zoey grabs your hand and pulls it away from your face. She gently turns your face to the side. She makes a sucking noise on her teeth.

“This… Oh, Laurence. When you went through the barrier… this must have been a side effect.”

“Can you fix it?” 

“No, I’m afraid I can’t. My powers… they only extend to barriers. Your eyes are out of my reach.” Zoey’s hands caress your face, a fleeting breeze as she attempts to re-examine your eyes.

“... Nothing we can do now, Zoey. Please let me see Aphmau. I beg of you.”

Zoey squeezes your hand once before she gets up, with a rustle of fabric she sweeps upstairs to fetch your Lady.

You barely have to wait ten minutes before you smell the scent of flowers and light and love. There’s the sound of someone coming down the steps, and that someone brings the scent of rain and nature. It brings with it the urge to _ maim kill hurt _, but your humanity throttles that dark instinct before you can act on it. 

“Aphmau…” You murmur softly, turning your head and reaching your hand out. Aphmau takes it in hers, and she squeezes it.

“...It’s you, I know it.” 

You hear the tiny heartbreaking sounds of sniffling, coming from your lord. 

“...What happened to you, Laurence?” She asks quietly, carding a hand through your messy hair. You lean into her touch, desperate for physical affection.

“Too much.” You say. “I cannot describe how much pain both mentally, physically and spiritually becoming one of them is.” 

Aphmau makes a noise in the back of her throat. The hand holding yours squeezes a little tighter. 

“Are you really blind, Laur?”

Part of you melts at being called Laur, but part of your heart sinks as the reality sets in.

“Yes.”

There’s a stretched out moment of silence as both of you solemnly think about this. But the irony of the situation fills your thoughts, and for the first time in weeks you burst out laughing. Your hysterical laughter washes away the silence like a tidal wave. You can almost feel the confusion Aphmau has on her face.

“Why are you laughing?”

“You know… I’d rather be here with you and no sight, instead of being there with my sight.”

A drop of water falls onto your hand.

“Was it really that bad…?” She whispers, voice choked with tears. 

“Can we change the subject?” 

“Of course.” 

“So… Where are we?” You ask, even though you know. You just want her to talk, you just want to hear her angelic voice of a thousand bells and a million windchimes. 

“Phoenix Drop. My village.”

“It smells nice.”

There’s a few beats of unsteady silence before something in you begs to be let free.

“Aphmau… There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Anything.” 

“I… I became a Shadow Knight against my will.” You explain, voice cracking at the faint edges. “I hung on to my humanity by thinking about you. I care so, so deeply about you and your wellbeing. I’ve never cared about anyone this much since Sasha, and I made the mistake of letting her go when Kenmur asked her to be his. I can’t do that with you…”

Aphmau’s breathing is shaky. Her tears keep falling onto your interlaced fingers, dripping between them. 

“I have feelings for you.” You force out. “I don’t know if we’re in any state to act on those feelings. And I don’t know if I’ll be alive to do so. I don’t know if I’ll turn and kill you, or if I stay the same. I don’t care if you love me back or not, I just wanted you to know before I lose more than my sight.” 

Aphmau pulls you up, arm around your back and right arm and one holding your head. She pulls you closely, and you inhale the scent of wildflowers in your surprise.

“Oh, Laurence.” She tearfully laughs. “I’ve always felt the same for you too.”

Your heart, despite all its been through, soars at the words.

“You’ve always been so affectionate to me, no matter how badly it came off as… You’ve protected me, guided me in the right path, and given your life to me… How could I not love and cherish you with every part of my being after all of that?”

Your eyes well with tears, and this time you let them fall. You both sob in each other’s arms and you clutch at her dress sleeves. She brushes a hand through your hair so so gently and you run a hand down her face, which is still wet with tears. 

“Do I… finally have permission to call you my love?” You croak, and somehow even without your sight you can _ feel _her smile.

“Of course, Laurence.”

“My love,” You murmur as you inch your face closer to hers in the circle of her arms. “My love, my love, my love. My precious angel that Irene blessed herself, the most beautiful thing on this earth…” 

“My love,” she murmurs back, reverence in her tone. “My beautiful Laurence.” 

You inch your face ever closer, feeling her breaths on your skin. Aphmau leans in to seal the deal, and you can speak no more. 

No matter the pain, the trials you went through, the suffering- all you know is that it was worth it for the love of your life.

**Author's Note:**

> laurmau and garmau are still godtier ships lmao i rlly wish jessica had made them canon


End file.
